i think i started a podcast at 1am

on using my voice more in 2024

hello lovely humans, it’s 2:31am as i begin writing this and that’s a testament to trusting my creative flow. it’s also maybe a testament to Pluto moving into Aquarius, Aquarius being my rising sign and also a transit that only happens every 248 years or so. if i’ve lost you with astrology talk i leave you with this: we are all celestial bodies made of carbon and hydrogen atoms, affected by the magnetic planet we live on. just like the moon affects the tides, planetary weather has an effect on our little earthly meat suits (micro or macro, you decide).

years ago i would have overridden the flow of aliveness that wanted a place to go at 1am, set an alarm for the morning because morning people are good people and shouldn’t i behave like a good, normal, morning person? well, dear reader. i’m delighted to share that in healing some of the layers of my people pleasing tendencies, i’ve also healed ways in which i try to control my own natural impulses, especially creative ones. i’m also delighted to report that i’ve given a lot of tender compassion to the part of me that (wrongly) believes myself to be a morning person, and that my quarantine schedule is currently wide open for following the flow of life.

so i am releasing what feels like raw musings from day 12 of my first covid quarantine, 4 years into a pandemic that has lifted the veil of colonial delusion for so many of us. i’m sharing the 1am meanderings of my mind within a reality where systems of coercion and control act to cause purposeful harm, and a system i am actively micro-divesting from, which ultimately creates momentum for more. i share with you what was not a podcast when i began speaking, but which became one a few minutes in. i will also share that the voice note right before this one was about 55 seconds of ideas of what to name a podcast if i ever made one.

i hope you enjoy these 15 minutes of my musings and meanderings, and i’m curious and excited about the conversations we might be able to have in good faith around potentially tricky territory. systems of harm, somatics, divesting, moving towards pleasure and also asking where our comfort means complicity in the harm we cannot fully divest from by simply being alive in the western world.

there’s a content warning for this episode as i describe images of death/war/genocide briefly, and i’ll always include a little breakdown of the content so that you can decide what you engage with, when, and how quickly/slowly. part of my hope for this podcast is for it to be a place to receive and practice trauma-informed relating, because a lens of life that trusts you to make the most aligned choices for yourself is a lens in which our world is sorely lacking (and a place i get to facilitate more practice for myself and my community).

welcome to more of my thoughts and questions (and honestly a lot of what feels like channeling), and as always: take what serves and leave the rest. i’d love to hear from you about what you notice as you listen and/or integrate what i speak to today.

welcome to “Start Making Sense” with Rebecca Studer of Studer Somatics, and today i’m your host. (you can also find this in the “podcast” tab on the Studer Somatics Substack page).

timing transcript:

:10- on weed

:33- on instagram, overwhelm

1:09- descriptions of triggering images on ig

2:07- context for my current experience and on 12 days of covid

2:44- naming losing Louise, a beloved feline friend

3:40- the ways i’ve said no, and on privilege

4:28- spaciness, sharing my somatic wave (notice the spontaneous sigh/exhale)

5:00- some covid experiences

6:10- on being alive & privilege

7:00- layers i’m moving through

8:07- on intersecting harmful systems

9:03- what are our values when the state won’t protect us?

10:33- now that we see these systems…

11:02- what are the micro moves that move us more towards collective liberation and easeful abundance?

11:33- what values are we asking of our communities?

12:05- on discomfort

12:26- where is my comfort allowing me to be complacent or complicit in participating in collective harm?

13:20- on imperfection and multiple truths

14:06- on starting from here

14:42- on the point of being alive

15:15- on paradox

15:35- maybe i’ll consider making this a podcast

16:46- maybe this is all a call for a new way